Gaye Land

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Gaye Land

MY BODY IS A WONDERLAND ......

June 21st 2008 04:07

While watching morning T.V. today it was reported that Australians are now regarded as the fattest in the world. I’m so proud ! And so I proceeded to ponder the benefits of being among the ranks of the fat while drinking my coffee with three sugars and two chocolate muffins, and this is what I came up with.

1. I can reserve a seat for a friend because my arse takes up two seats.

2. If it’s a freezing cold day there are numerous places on my body to warm my hands.

3. I don’t need contraception, I just rip my clothes off in front of a man and they scream
and run......

4. I don’t need to lay out hard earned money for a trampoline, I just lay on the floor and
kids can use me..

5. I don’t need elastic around the top of my socks, I just tuck them into my ankles.

6. If there is a fire in he kitchen we don’t need a fire blanket, we can just use one
of my tent dresses, one whack of those big buggers and the fire's out !

7. My boobs are fantastic. I will never need surgery to keep them perky because the
roll of fat underneath them holds them up.

8. I’m good for the economy, when I walk into a restaurant they are delighted to see
me, they know they have just sold a three course meal.

9. If I take a tumble I am safe in the knowledge that I will bounce, therefore insuring
minimum amount of damage.

10. You’ll never see me struggling with numerous parcels and carry bags, when it all
becomes to much I can carry three items underneath my chin.

So you see there are benefits to belonging to the Army of the Fat !!!

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THATS NOT ENTERTAINMENT

June 21st 2008 03:44

Being a bit of an insomniac I often sit up through the night and try to find something decent on T.V. to pass the time. Up until one in the morning all is well, there are quite a few interesting shows on late at night. But then T.V.’s witching hour arrives and I sit with dread because I know it’s time for INFO-MERCIALS.!!

I want to know who was the inhumane advertising einstien that decided we needed half hour slots of people (ALIENS) who are so excited about vacuum cleaners and automatic dusters that they shout in decibels loud enough to break the sound barrier and writhe in their seats like they are sitting on something pleasurable.
Do you talk back to them ? I DO
Last night a young man appeared spouting the benefits of a weight loss program and ecstatic about how much his life had changed. Trouble was he had a face like the cover of a MAD magazine and I found myself yelling at him “ Yeah you lost a lot of weight, but your still UGLY!!!.
And then there is the middle aged he-man who walks around shopping centers promoting the benefits of that very masculine product Washing Powder. I just hate him, in fact if ever he walks up to me in a shopping center and launches into his happy little speech, I want to poke him in both eyes and then yell “There are more important thing in life than washing powder you boring little man like your EYESIGHT”
Of course then we all need to watch a half hour of beautiful women telling us that we could all look like them, if only we got rid of the big spot of pus in the middle of our faces with the zit solution they are promoting. Yeah right.

But the household products would have to be the worst. Shiny knives so sharp you can castrate a man with one lunge, vacuum cleaners so strong you don’t need to pay out good money to have a brazillian, just stand in front of your new super suction device and POOF, body hair gone !!!!! Feather dusters that spin around automatically while in use, they could be the perfect gift for that asthmatic you can’t stand.
Yes it’s true, I could just turn the television off, but in this day and age with I Pods, the internet and all the other entertainment products, who in the hell was the T.V. god who thought that taking us back to the fifties where housewives wore aprons and the most exciting thing in their lives was a Teflon frypan was considered entertainment.?

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VIBRA FINGER ANYONE?

June 18th 2008 23:23

I have once again been looking around at all kinds of wierd things on the net. I can't help myself, I just really like anything that's a little bit twisted. So I bring you my latest little collection of the wierd and wonderful.
The first handy little product every woman should have in her home, just hide it from the teenagers !!

I think this sounds like the perfect solution when you are having a spot of bother with your oldies.

I think the makers of the next product might of had european babies in mind when they thought up this little ad. I have heard they have a real body hair issue.

For those days when the pain is so bad panadol and aspirin just aren't kicking in like they should you could try

And when the herion has done it's job and it's time to relax here is a great little publication for you to sit back and enjoy

Okay so now you have read your magazine it's time to feed the family, what about a self carving pig?

So now dinner is over and it's time to sit back with a ciggie and listen to some good music

I can highly recommend this for your listening pleasure,

But maybe this kind of music isn't down your alley so what about this next selection?

Or this jazzy little piece of good taste in music

Or this !!!

So now I have your night planned for you here are some products for the kid in you family you are not to fond of, or a snack idea for the spawn of satan that you and hubby have brought into the world

Yes bath time for the unpopular child

And this little charmer would be the spawn !

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YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS TO BELIEVE IT !!

June 18th 2008 06:50

Are you at the end of a long hard day and need a lift? Well have I got a couple of treasures from the 70's for you. This should prove what good taste we all had back then.

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STRANGE FRUIT

June 18th 2008 03:40

Music is a language we all understand. It can lift you, depress you, make you think or just create an atmoshpere when needed. I'm sure everyone of you also has a favourite song, but what are the songs or song that really make you emotional? I was listening to a beautiful song the other day from Les Miserables and as soon as I hear the first note it brings tears to my eyes. Have you got a song that affects you like this?
The song is really a prayer from a father asking god to bring his boy safely home from war and I think one of the best in a show full of great songs.

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DIARY OF THE DAMAGED

June 17th 2008 06:38

DIARY OF THE DAMAGED
If you have been lucky enough to have had two, or even one stable caring parent then you won’t know what I am talking about, but if you are like me then this story will feel like your story.
And if you are a parent read this and learn what absolute devastation you can wreak on your child and do something about it before it’s too late. My mum and dad got married back in the fifties because they fell pregnant and in those days there was not much choice, and I think I ruined their lives. My dad hated me, even though I loved him and I have no memories of my mother defending me because I think she was to scared to speak up. I have no memories of him playing with me, or enjoying me as a father enjoys a child. He spent no time with me, and when he did he was drunk and angry. He was a hateful father, his voice alone scared me when he was angry. His face would go almost black with anger and his voice would deepen and knew I was in trouble. From the earliest memories I have, I remember being in trouble if I laughed to loud, if I put my elbows on the table, if I didn’t eat what was put in front of me, even if it made me heave. There were so many things I got into trouble for I was to scared to breathe sometimes. The punishment was stern and savage, his leather belt would come off and I would be strapped around the knees or the bum, even as a very little child, he would pull my long hair, or just hit me anywhere he could lay his hands on as hard as possible. But the mental punishment was worse. If I cried because I was in pain, because he made sure he hit as hard as he could, he would hit me again for crying. And so as a consequence I grew up ashamed to show emotion. I always try as hard as I cannot to show any emotion in front of other people, it makes me feel weak and ashamed. If I do feel a tear coming on I panic and find the nearest corner to hide in or I run away from the situation. And then there was the names he called me nearly every day of my life and continues to do so even at the age of 70. As a little child I was big and kept getting bigger until I was an overweight child. Not grossly overweight, but enough for him to show his utter disgust at me. When he was drunk (which was quite often) or angry (again quite often) he would hone in on my looks. I don’t remember being called by my real name very often, more often than not it was “ what are you doing stupid, or get in here you fat slob”. When you call your children names like this every day of their childhood, the result is no self esteem whatsoever. In fact it has affected every area of my life. I can honestly say that the reason I have never really had a boyfriend or got married is because I have been convinced by the one man in my life I was both ugly and stupid. It stays with you forever, so every time I was given a compliment or asked out I thought to myself “this guy must be on a dare, or “he’s making fun of me”. I could not and still do not ever believe anyone when they compliment me, dad taught me well. Everyone else is far more worthy than I, I am a freak not to be loved by anyone

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ENOUGH !!!

June 17th 2008 06:28

ENOUGH !!!!

Every day I open a newspaper and am riddled with guilt. Every night I watch the news and some more guilt and shame is hammered upon me. Why you ask? Because according to the government, the fashion police, the do gooders, interfering state politicians and nearly everybody else that thinks they are a shining example to the rest of us ignorant people we are destroying ourselves with food, smoking, drinking and everything else that they can think of

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YOUR OPINION PLEASE

June 17th 2008 06:12

YOUR OPINIONS PLEASE
Barely tolerated, not tolerated, totally accepting……….what stance do you take on homosexuality and why? The reason I ask is because I was watching T.V. today and one of the reports from America was about gay marriage. As far as I am concerned it is not an issue, but that is only my opinion. I looked at the couples holding hands, some had been together for years and years, and some of the couples were very young and very much in love, and wondered why people get so upset about this issue. I am in no way telling people what to think, and I don’t want this to be an argument where either side insult each other, I just want to know why you think this is so wrong and what price society will pay if this becomes totally acceptable.
I know there are a lot of religious people who are totally against it because of their beliefs and they like everyone else are entitled to their opinion, but we surely need to talk about it without yelling down everyone who does not agree with us, so we can get an insight into what really upsets people about this. I am not especially religious, but if there is a god why would he find this so offensive. I wonder if when people think about homosexuals the first thing they think about is sex? I think of love. Just two people who love each other, that’s all. I see kids being brought up by alcoholics, drug addicts, people who should never be classed as mothers, and wonder to myself, surely these kids would be better off in a home with two people who really love them and give them the start in life every child deserves? Coming from a family with an angry alcoholic father and a mother to weak to stand up to him, I know I would have been better off with parent that cared more about me than themselves, gay or straight shouldn’t matter should it? And then there is the argument that the child will be the one that pays because other children will tease them, but if parents teach them that they are just parents like everyone else, this would not be the case would it? If homosexuals can raise kids to be good people with compassion, respect and intelligence then isn’t that what you would call a good parent? Anyway that is what I think, what about you?

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HMMM.....INTERESTING

June 12th 2008 07:26

Can you truly say you already know everything you need to know? Well think again, here are a few facts you just have to know if you are going to function in today’s world

For instance did you know that Iguanas can and do commit suicide? Bet this little fact is going to improve your life

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FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND

June 12th 2008 07:21

Attending a funeral for a friend the other day got me to thinking. I sat there looking around at my friends in pain and listening to sad songs and at the coffin sitting in front of me and thought to myself, “I don’t want this to happen when I die”, so after some thought this is what I have come up with.
Of course I want everyone to be so devastated they can’t possibly go on, but I would also like it to be an occasion that would never be forgotten because it was full of incredible music, lots of stories that would prove to the wailing crowd how truly unique I was, and an airbrushed picture blown up to huge proportions that could show off my everlasting beauty