the world of gayeDONE LIKE A DOG'S DINNER
August 20th 2008 03:57
DONE LIKE A DOGS DINNER
All names have been changed to potect the innocent !!
OH MY GOD !! Iknow this expression is overused by teenage girls for things as insignificant as being late for thier spraytan sessions, but in my case "OH MY GOD" is totally appropriate for my latest catastrophe.
Last night I thought iIwould give my sister the great pleasure of my company. While awaiting her arrival home from work her partner went about preparing dinner.
I offered to give him my expert help but he was quite happy preparing his masterpiece on his own, so I sat and watched him work quite happily. My sister arrived home, overjoyed at my presence (well, sort of) and we sat at the dinner table as her little domesticated partner served our food and sat down with us to enjoy his culinary skills.
So after smothering my bowl of spagetti with salt and parmesan it was time to dig in, but wait.........this was the strangest tasting spagetti I had ever had. I chewed it thinking maybe I was wrong, but no, this spagetti was not of the norm, abnormal spagetti........sick spagetti........stomach churning spagetti !!!
I looked at my sister in desperation, if she looked green then I wouldn't have to consume the rest of this food disaster. Mind you, while all this was going on I kept shovelling it in to my waiting mouth. The problem is you see, I was taught to eat everything a guest puts in front of me, even if I am heaving at the same time....my father trained me well, if ever I was ill mannered at the table it was smack around the head time for me.
And so as I sipped chocolate milk in between mouthfuls, while trying not to dry wretch, my sister turned to the chefly partner and asked "did you take the fat out of the meat?" while pulling a small bone from her mouth. "The mince was fine" said the chef, meanwhile I am still being well mannered even though there is a circus going on in my stomach.
Then the wise sister says to Gordan Ramsey sitting on the other side of the table with a strange expression on his face "the mince doesn't usually have bones in it! ", and Gordan answers "I used the mince you took out to defrost", and I am still eating but desperately trying to seperate the meat from the pasta because I am going to throw up on the table, and then sister says "what colour was the mince?".
"Kind of pink" says perfect partner, and then they finally put me out of my well mannered misery and both agree it tastes like no other spagetti they have ever consumed. Praise the lord, I have been saved from the spagetti !!
Everybody finally feels as sick as I do and we down utensils as we realise we are eating spagetti and DOGSMEAT !!!!
I now feel even greener than I did before, after all while the others partook of only a few bites I was being Miss Manners and consuming rover's dinner.
"Gordan Ramsey" picks up our plates in horror and embarassment and my sister and I look at each other in disbelief, and then I reach for the cigarettes to get the taste of spagetti and dogsballs out of my mouth. Out the back yard into the fresh air I run in the vain hope that I can stop thinking " I just ate dogfood". I tried so hard not to throw up my stomach muscles must have thought they were giving birth !! I really appreciate the fact that "Gordan" made us dinner, but next time I take a mouthful of food and my throat shuts down because it refuses to swallow the toxic waste in my mouth, my manners will disappear and I will spit it clear across the room !!!
All names have been changed to potect the innocent !!
OH MY GOD !! Iknow this expression is overused by teenage girls for things as insignificant as being late for thier spraytan sessions, but in my case "OH MY GOD" is totally appropriate for my latest catastrophe.
Last night I thought iIwould give my sister the great pleasure of my company. While awaiting her arrival home from work her partner went about preparing dinner.
I offered to give him my expert help but he was quite happy preparing his masterpiece on his own, so I sat and watched him work quite happily. My sister arrived home, overjoyed at my presence (well, sort of) and we sat at the dinner table as her little domesticated partner served our food and sat down with us to enjoy his culinary skills.
I looked at my sister in desperation, if she looked green then I wouldn't have to consume the rest of this food disaster. Mind you, while all this was going on I kept shovelling it in to my waiting mouth. The problem is you see, I was taught to eat everything a guest puts in front of me, even if I am heaving at the same time....my father trained me well, if ever I was ill mannered at the table it was smack around the head time for me.
And so as I sipped chocolate milk in between mouthfuls, while trying not to dry wretch, my sister turned to the chefly partner and asked "did you take the fat out of the meat?" while pulling a small bone from her mouth. "The mince was fine" said the chef, meanwhile I am still being well mannered even though there is a circus going on in my stomach.
Then the wise sister says to Gordan Ramsey sitting on the other side of the table with a strange expression on his face "the mince doesn't usually have bones in it! ", and Gordan answers "I used the mince you took out to defrost", and I am still eating but desperately trying to seperate the meat from the pasta because I am going to throw up on the table, and then sister says "what colour was the mince?".
"Kind of pink" says perfect partner, and then they finally put me out of my well mannered misery and both agree it tastes like no other spagetti they have ever consumed. Praise the lord, I have been saved from the spagetti !!
Everybody finally feels as sick as I do and we down utensils as we realise we are eating spagetti and DOGSMEAT !!!!
I now feel even greener than I did before, after all while the others partook of only a few bites I was being Miss Manners and consuming rover's dinner.
"Gordan Ramsey" picks up our plates in horror and embarassment and my sister and I look at each other in disbelief, and then I reach for the cigarettes to get the taste of spagetti and dogsballs out of my mouth. Out the back yard into the fresh air I run in the vain hope that I can stop thinking " I just ate dogfood". I tried so hard not to throw up my stomach muscles must have thought they were giving birth !! I really appreciate the fact that "Gordan" made us dinner, but next time I take a mouthful of food and my throat shuts down because it refuses to swallow the toxic waste in my mouth, my manners will disappear and I will spit it clear across the room !!!
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Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
well... at least you can now accurately say, "I've been done like a dog's dinner!" A good old Aussie saying.. err.. I think it is..
Anyway, I have a story to share that is in a similar vein to your own gastronomic nightmare;
I was working on this period film, being partly shot on location at an historic house in Parramatta, it was the residence of the man who helped develop our Merion sheep, amongst other things, during early colonial times(actually, it was his wife who did most of the work breeding and developing the sheep, he just took the credit!).
Anyhoo, those who were not directly needed on set at that time, were milling around the courtyard, it was a very warm sunny day, mid summer, and before us was an old brass dripping tap, set low in the outside sandstone wall of the home, the drips fell into a hand carved sandstone bowl, which in turn slowly dripped out its bottom the now sandstone filtered and purified water, into an old ceramic bowl below it.
After establishing that it was what they drank from in the early colonial days, we decided to take some water ourselves, and it tasted lovely.
Moments later, a scruffy old dog sauntered panting around the corner, stuck its gaping, slobbering mouth into the very bowl we just drank from, and slurped away!!
It was the dog's water bowl...
cheers
fog
Comment by Johnny Come Lately
Jack's Back