the world of gayeDUDE WHERE'S MY BUM
July 6th 2009 10:02
I am sure there are plenty of helpful articles to help women during menopause, the symtoms, the remedies and well informed medical advice. But I am here to tell you what your really in store for .
The last two years have seen me having a bitch about middle age, menopause and my body going from less than perfect to a walking mass of melting flesh. There has been hot flushes that have felt like spontaneous combustion, insomnia, enough gas in my body to run a fleet of cars and parts of my body moving to places they don't belong. But one of the worst is my dissapearing bum. I need it back, or at least enough to hold my undies up.
Friday night myself, my son Evan and a friend took ourselves off to see French and Saunders (more about that wonderful event later). I dressed up to the nines and looked pretty spunky for an old boiler (well I thought so anyway) but the problem was (and is every day) that my undies kept falling down. I was wearing black trousers so the only thing keeping my undies up was the crutch of my trousers. Ever tried to pull up your undies elegantly in a crowded theatre? It is all because my bum has left home,
there is nothing but a straight fall for the poor undies.
So I informed my horrified son that my undies had fallen down to my thighs (you should have seen the look on his face) and took myself off to the toilets to do repairs. The first thing I noticed was the toilet was like something out of a fairytale and the door was so heavy it nearly knocked me out as I entered. I swear this what the door looked
like.
I closed the cublicle door and undid my trousers but I couldn't find my undies. They were there somewhere but had fallen to new lows and I couldn't get a grip. The other problem was that I have very long nails (the only part of my body that is getting better) and I think I must have left claw marks all over the cheeks of my backside trying to latch on to the lost underwear. With a leap of victory I located the runaway pants and pulled them up around my neck and left feeling secure and safe in the knowledge that my nether regions were warm once again (it was a very cold night).
The solution is either butt implants but I am worried they will fall down as well..............or (excuse me while I gag) excercise. So I think I will have to go with the excercise and after watching the dog I think I know just the excercise to do the trick. Surely dragging yourself along the floor by your arse has to build it up a bit !! So tomorrow I will join Harry on the floor and hopefully breathe new life into my sorrowful
bottom.
As for Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders they were brilliant. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Here is a bit of thier madness to amuse you. If ever you get the chance to go and see them make sure you do.
The last two years have seen me having a bitch about middle age, menopause and my body going from less than perfect to a walking mass of melting flesh. There has been hot flushes that have felt like spontaneous combustion, insomnia, enough gas in my body to run a fleet of cars and parts of my body moving to places they don't belong. But one of the worst is my dissapearing bum. I need it back, or at least enough to hold my undies up.
Friday night myself, my son Evan and a friend took ourselves off to see French and Saunders (more about that wonderful event later). I dressed up to the nines and looked pretty spunky for an old boiler (well I thought so anyway) but the problem was (and is every day) that my undies kept falling down. I was wearing black trousers so the only thing keeping my undies up was the crutch of my trousers. Ever tried to pull up your undies elegantly in a crowded theatre? It is all because my bum has left home,
there is nothing but a straight fall for the poor undies.
So I informed my horrified son that my undies had fallen down to my thighs (you should have seen the look on his face) and took myself off to the toilets to do repairs. The first thing I noticed was the toilet was like something out of a fairytale and the door was so heavy it nearly knocked me out as I entered. I swear this what the door looked
like.
I closed the cublicle door and undid my trousers but I couldn't find my undies. They were there somewhere but had fallen to new lows and I couldn't get a grip. The other problem was that I have very long nails (the only part of my body that is getting better) and I think I must have left claw marks all over the cheeks of my backside trying to latch on to the lost underwear. With a leap of victory I located the runaway pants and pulled them up around my neck and left feeling secure and safe in the knowledge that my nether regions were warm once again (it was a very cold night).
The solution is either butt implants but I am worried they will fall down as well..............or (excuse me while I gag) excercise. So I think I will have to go with the excercise and after watching the dog I think I know just the excercise to do the trick. Surely dragging yourself along the floor by your arse has to build it up a bit !! So tomorrow I will join Harry on the floor and hopefully breathe new life into my sorrowful
bottom.
As for Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders they were brilliant. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Here is a bit of thier madness to amuse you. If ever you get the chance to go and see them make sure you do.
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Comment by Chris Champion
LettersToNorm
moneywhither
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Great post.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
are you losing weight all over, or just from the seat of your pants?
i always learn something on your blog, i had no idea women lost their bums during menopause
Comment by the world of gaye
batty
Family Madness
bright lights greedy city
REFLECTIONS
THE WINDMILLS OF MY MIND
I make fun of everything thats happening to my body at the moment. A lot of women loose their bums when they have babies for some reason, I think you change shape a little but with me it has gotten worse. Thanks for the suggestion, I am going to buy smaller undies and hope that it works