the world of gayeHELP!!!
February 29th 2008 02:42
Every day this week I have had some kind of terrible ailment and thought "thats it, I'm a goner". I have weeks where I am so totally wrapped up in myself that I only have to have a change in poo and I think I am dying!
When these weeks come around I am even more mental than usual. And believe me, I am pretty mental. I used to think it must be PMT, but I have gone through menopause in the last year and I am more mental than ever! So far this week I have had a four day ongoing heart attack, a stroke that hasn't hit yet, colon and bladder cancer and today I think I have a brain tumour!
Monday started well, but then about midday I started feeling anxious and my chest tightened. Well of course I panicked and it tightened a little more just to really scare the shit out of me. So then I sat for an hour thinking "should I call someone, go to the hospital or just sit here a while and see if I end up dead on the lounge or not?" You see I would go the hospital but having already annoyed them with ten previous heart attacks I thought they might have lost interest.
And so the heart attack passes and we are on to the next deadly disease. I think the next one was a stroke. I woke up after an allnighter on the computer and had a broken blood vessel in one eye. Very attractive.
Did I stop to think it could be because I had spent the last 48 hours in a dark room on a computer. NO! I instantly went into panic mode and thought "thats it, my brains about to implode and I am going to bleed out of my ears". So that night when I checked and my ears were still pink and my brain still seemed in working order I calmed down. Then the next day I was so constipated I thought I was going to give birth ,it occured to me I may have colon cancer. I didn't think about the kilo of cheese I had gorged on all week. No not me, I was determined to go to the tiolet and prove to myself that nothing was wrong. So I sat, and I sat, and I sat! I read four magazines in between groaning in pain and screaming in agony but I finally achieved what I had set out to do.
Of course being so constipated I had huge stomach aches and pains all around my lower body so of course that meant I must have bladder cancer. So every time I went to the toilet I made sure to check every little trace of piddle to make sure I wasn't excreting anything abnormal. Well I am sill here and everythings back in working order.
And for the finale I think I have a brain tumour. My head has been hurting since this morning, I have a stiff neck and my eyes look stranger than usual. The reason I know this is because I spent two hours looking at my eyes in the bathroom mirror.
Okay, so if you all see a new blog in a couple of days then you will know I survived, and by then I should be back to being sort of sane. I am going now so I can take a multitude of drugs to cure all my diseases.
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