the world of gayeJOYSUCKER
July 16th 2009 02:30
I am sure like me every family has what I call a Joysucker amongst them. These harbingers of doom go by many names....misery guts, lemonhead, sourpuss, shithead or maybe the temple of doom. But I call them Joysuckers, and my family is in great danger of being drained by this succubus of human joy. Yes folks she lives amongst us in our little home and her cloud of doom reaches across the ceiling and hovers over us waiting to suck the moisture out of our skin, so we too resemble her scrunched up little face and her cats bum mouth.
If you have a joysucker in your family you must realise the danger you are in. Here are some signs for you to watch out for. They go to bed early and screech at you every night to turn the TV down until you have to do a course in lip reading to watch it because they of course are more important than everyone else. You say good morning to them and they growl "don't talk to me.....I'm stressed", or you ask them a simple question like "have we run out of toilet paper" and the response is " I can't cope with toiler paper at the moment, I have problems of my own"
Joysuckers also ask for advice on any number of things like "do I look fat in this", while parading in front of you in their black ensemble and when you respond by saying "you look fine but why don't you add a bit of colour" she opens her mouth and breaths fire and her eyes turn red because you dared give your opinion that she ASKED you for !!. Joysuckers also take offense at everything everyone says even if the conversation is nothing to do with them. If you offer to cook dinner they will clench their rigid jaw and say to you between gritted fangs "so are you saying my cooking is bad". If you buy something nice for their children they take it as a personal insult because it obviously means her taste is in her arse. Their hard little faces scrunch up in disgust when you dare to laugh, and they get physically ill if people around them are enjoying themselves.
I think maybe the time is nearing when I must save the children and the family from the curse of the joysucker and drop a house on her !! It is time to turn the TV up loud enough so everyone besides the dog can hear it. It is time to dress the kids in bright red and yellow and let them see what teeth look like. It is time for the lights to be left on at night so we are not bumping into walls because the joysucker is part mole and lives in the dark.
The children will celebrate madly and jump and play in their yellow and red outfits as we make a bonfire out the back of the black clothes, and once again the house will know daylight and warmth and the animals will stop quaking in fear and get their appetites back. Joy Joy Joy.
So just remember my friends, if you need help, if you have someone sucking the life out of your loved ones, if you have a member of the family who has had an miserable attitude for so long they carry around their own cloud..........Call for Gaye The Joysucker Slayer and I'm on my way.
Joysuckers also ask for advice on any number of things like "do I look fat in this", while parading in front of you in their black ensemble and when you respond by saying "you look fine but why don't you add a bit of colour" she opens her mouth and breaths fire and her eyes turn red because you dared give your opinion that she ASKED you for !!. Joysuckers also take offense at everything everyone says even if the conversation is nothing to do with them. If you offer to cook dinner they will clench their rigid jaw and say to you between gritted fangs "so are you saying my cooking is bad". If you buy something nice for their children they take it as a personal insult because it obviously means her taste is in her arse. Their hard little faces scrunch up in disgust when you dare to laugh, and they get physically ill if people around them are enjoying themselves.
I think maybe the time is nearing when I must save the children and the family from the curse of the joysucker and drop a house on her !! It is time to turn the TV up loud enough so everyone besides the dog can hear it. It is time to dress the kids in bright red and yellow and let them see what teeth look like. It is time for the lights to be left on at night so we are not bumping into walls because the joysucker is part mole and lives in the dark.
The children will celebrate madly and jump and play in their yellow and red outfits as we make a bonfire out the back of the black clothes, and once again the house will know daylight and warmth and the animals will stop quaking in fear and get their appetites back. Joy Joy Joy.
So just remember my friends, if you need help, if you have someone sucking the life out of your loved ones, if you have a member of the family who has had an miserable attitude for so long they carry around their own cloud..........Call for Gaye The Joysucker Slayer and I'm on my way.
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Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Most of the ones I have met have usually been at work or an occasional social function. Some poeple are so used to being like this, they don't even realise it. Pity.
Comment by Nevar
Is Why
I think a couple of them attended a workshop I put on last week, ha ha ha haaaa. Lord how they can drain a person, sigh.
Comment by the world of gaye
batty
Family Madness
bright lights greedy city
REFLECTIONS
THE WINDMILLS OF MY MIND