the world of gayeSTOP IN THE NAME OF.....CONFUSION
March 23rd 2009 03:22
There was a massive storm the other night, it didn't last long but it was scary enough to make me cower like a child and keep my fingers crossed in the hope it would pass quickly. I was visiting my friend up the street and ended up staying longer than intended because I was waiting for the storm to pass before walking home. By the time I left it was very dark and very wet outside.
I said my goodbyes and was on my way. Now before I go into detail about my latest misadventure let me explain something. There is a local redneck who believes he is a man because he owns a satanic black pitbull, he puffs out his weeny little chest even more when he walks said satanic dog without a lead. I am a big, big coward when this dog is in the street, I have even gone into a phonebox like a lunatic and pretended to be on the phone until Mr Macho and his black demon pass by so when I saw a man and his black dog on the other side of the road I assumed the worst.
I couldn't move...my legs were shaking and I just stared in terror at my would be murdered and his accomplice, and he was staring back at me beneath his mysterious hat. I took a small step and so did he...and then took a step backwards because I just knew he was coming for me.
I couldn't get any words out because my mouth had dried up in fear and my lips were stuck tightly to my top lip. He just stood looking at me strangely and then he and satan took a couple of steps towards me. "OH LORD HELP ME" I thought to myself, "I am going to die".
My eyes were so big I swear I could feel my eyelashes on my hairline, and then 6 foot 6 Grizzly Adams says to me "can I help you?".........." I have an aunt with Alzhiemers and she sometimes gets lost, are you lost?"
What the hell !!!! He thought I was some old confused woman who had got lost in the storm like some poor little puppy dog. I went from being convinced it was my last few moments on earth to being so insulted I wanted to pull his ugly beard and kick his black labrador. Yes that's right...it wasn't satan the dog, it was a lovely black labrador who was wagging his tail and trying to lick my hand !! If I had stopped long enough to think about it instead of thinking the Phantom and his beast were coming to get me, I would have realised Macho Man with the pitbull doesn't have a beard, and is about 2 foot shorter.
I was so embarrassed, and as he put his arm out to guide me across the road I thanked him, gathered myself and laughed all the way home.
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