the world of gayeTHE BABYSITTERS CLUB,,,,,,,NOT
June 1st 2009 07:21
Being the eldest of seven there is always a babysitting job for me. I try to leave little clues that this is really not my forte, I groan when I am asked if I would like to spend some "quality time" with the nieces and nephews, I have heart to hearts with my sisters and admit I was a terrible mother, I grunt at their children when they say they love me and I roll my eyes in boredom when they do something cute. But all to no affect, the kids love me and the family seem to trust me so I find myself babysitting with gritted teeth.
I have many sisters but the youngest is a modern mum. you know, the kind that doesn't believe in punishment when the kids behave like satan, and every spare waking moment is devoted to amusing them and teaching them a University syllabus before the age of five.
These kind of children can be hard going for a babysitter but I will triumph over these short dictators by having a few guidelines of my own.
The first will be that I only cook ONE meal for everyone, not like my sister who caters for all individual tastes. If I get an argument then I will shove a photo of a starving child in front of them and tell them they are lucky to have food and then make them think it's their fault, That should fix the little suckers.
The second will be that they are not allowed to run screaming around the house and jumping on the furniture at nine o'clock at night. If this happens I will nail their feet to the floor. Let's see them try and jump then.
And then of course I am expected to entertain them at all times because they are not allowed to watch TV like vegetables. What's the matter with vegetables,,,,,,,,,,,they are good for you aren't they? My job is to make sure they are safe and fed, not to read fifty books and paint a picasso for them so here is my solution, when it all gets to much i will tell them I have a fantastic game to play with them outside and then tie them to a tree for a few hours.
And then of course we have the bedtime arguments where they will try every excuse to avoid a decent bedtime but I have a plan. If I find it is getting to the point where children will not obey the rules and go to bed, and I am at the point of euthanase them, I will put on the most terrifying DVD I can find, turn the volume up so that the screams of the victims are blood curdling and ask them if they would like to watch a movie with me. The precious little spawns of satan will be so terrified of what's on TV they will do anything to get away from the TV and into bed.
So these are my guidelines along with giving them lollies at regular intervals to get some peace and putting the hose on them to stop any fighting.
These kind of children can be hard going for a babysitter but I will triumph over these short dictators by having a few guidelines of my own.
The first will be that I only cook ONE meal for everyone, not like my sister who caters for all individual tastes. If I get an argument then I will shove a photo of a starving child in front of them and tell them they are lucky to have food and then make them think it's their fault, That should fix the little suckers.
And then of course I am expected to entertain them at all times because they are not allowed to watch TV like vegetables. What's the matter with vegetables,,,,,,,,,,,they are good for you aren't they? My job is to make sure they are safe and fed, not to read fifty books and paint a picasso for them so here is my solution, when it all gets to much i will tell them I have a fantastic game to play with them outside and then tie them to a tree for a few hours.
And then of course we have the bedtime arguments where they will try every excuse to avoid a decent bedtime but I have a plan. If I find it is getting to the point where children will not obey the rules and go to bed, and I am at the point of euthanase them, I will put on the most terrifying DVD I can find, turn the volume up so that the screams of the victims are blood curdling and ask them if they would like to watch a movie with me. The precious little spawns of satan will be so terrified of what's on TV they will do anything to get away from the TV and into bed.
So these are my guidelines along with giving them lollies at regular intervals to get some peace and putting the hose on them to stop any fighting.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
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Movie Train
Artist Quirk
i like your ONE meal rule though, it irritates me when parents pander to kids over food . . . its not like you are serving up baby octopus and pickled eyeballs
Comment by Janet Collins
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The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
No exception!